Changing for Him

Changing for Him

Hebrews 2:10-11 – For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things, and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings. For both He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified are all from one Father; for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren…

Where is your focus?

Most of the time we focus on ourselves. Our automatic setting is to orient our lives around ourselves, basically serving ourselves in everything we do. Certainly this is true for many of the men who struggle with addictions. Most hours of the day are spent preoccupied with, dreaming about, planning for, and obsessing over where the next fix is going to come from. Whether it is an addiction to drugs, sex, or whatever, anyone who is struggling in this way will be familiar with this pattern of living. A person with an addiction is primarily focused on meeting his own need. Whether the need is real or only perceived, and whether the things that person does to try to meet it actually work or not is a separate issue.

One of the most striking characteristics of this person’s lifestyle is that he is acutely self-centered. Everything he cares about or gets involved with is used to meet the need. Relationships are damaged because they are not mutual, and the addict does not love others well. He does not give to others, but rather takes from them. Getting one’s needs met becomes the very meaning of life.

A similar kind of self-centeredness can also sneak up on the person in recovery from an addiction. When someone begins to experience freedom from the things that have been a snare for so long, it is easy to become preoccupied with the healing process itself. Relationships improve, but may still fall short of healthy. The person in recovery may become convinced that relationships with safe and healthy people are important and that God really does use them to facilitate healing, and he really does begin to experience transformation in the course of interacting with others in new ways. This is actually an important step in recovery; he is no longer dependent on whatever was being abused before and is now dependent on relationships with others.

As the old pattern creeps up again however, one might be reluctant to move from one-sided relationships that only serve the purpose of facilitating healing to mutually-giving two-way relationships. It may be helpful to keep some one sided-relationships in place (like having a relationship with a professional counselor) but relationships with friends and family should not remain one-sided. As a person matures, he is called to love these others as he loves himself.

A person does not have to be suffering from an addiction or working a recovery program to struggle with self-centeredness, one only needs to be human. We all struggle with self-centeredness. Every single one of us has a tendency toward ruling over our own lives, rather than surrendering the rule to God. Every one of us resists the things that God calls us to do, and we would rather focus on ourselves than love Him or love others. Even the pursuit of change and healing falls into this category. When we are hurt, our attention is naturally drawn away from others and back toward ourselves, and this is initially a healthy reflex. What is unhealthy is keeping our attention on ourselves and making recovery the focus of our lives.

Worship: moving from self-centeredness to God-centeredness

Suggested: Hebrews 2

The temptation to fixate on change is subtle because change is a good thing. Like many temptations, a good thing is advertized as the most important thing, and something that is ultimately selfish is cloaked in spiritual ideas. A person who is “devoted” to his “sanctification” might be better described as self-absorbed and prone to over-spiritualizing. The distinction here is not meant to discourage anyone who is working hard in recovery, attending several meeting each week, or spending most of his time talking to others about what he is going through. You might be exactly where God wants you to be. Rather, this distinction is to encourage those doing the rigorous work of recovery to guard against becoming self-absorbed and reducing relationships with others to something that serves only to serve you. Your change is very important to God, and yet it is still only a small albeit glorious piece of a much larger, magnificent picture.

Hebrews 2:10-11 gives us some insight into this issue. As verse 10 explains that it was fitting for the Father to allow the Son to suffer for men, it describes the Father as the One “for whom are all things, and through whom are all things.” Everything is for Him, and everything is through Him. We understand the work of Christ on the cross as for us, and we should understand it that way. The famous verse John 3:16 makes it clear that the Son is a gift to the world, and His suffering on the cross for our salvation is the ultimate expression of the Father’s love. With that in mind, who are we for? What is our change for? Why bother creating us in the first place and why bother fixing us now that we’re broken? The answer is that we are “for” God the Father, as all things are “for” Him. Our lives are for Him, and our changing to become more like Christ is for Him. To summarize, when Christ is reflected in us the Father is glorified. Because of this, He is also changing us, so that we will be more like Christ, which brings Him glory. Our being like Christ brings Him glory, and Him being the only One who can bring about that change brings Him glory.

So to bring this back to the issue described at the beginning of the battleplan, our change should not be the preoccupation of our lives. Instead, God should be our preoccupation, and our allowing Him to change us is an act of worship, one of many things that is first and foremost for His glory. Our benefitting from that change is an added bonus. We can shift our perspective from being preoccupied with the necessity to change and the work of change, and instead do the work as an act of worship in confidence that He brings about the results He wants.

Choose from the following discussion questions, or create some of your own:

1 In what ways are you still acting out of an addiction, primarily focused on getting your own needs met in ways you know are unhealthy?
2 In what ways is your recovery still overly self-focused?
3 Take some time to share these things with the group. Confess to each other, and pray in repentance as God leads you and brings these things to mind.
4 What are some of the ways that you have grown more loving and giving in your relationships with others? Take some time to celebrate that with each other.
5 How is your view of change different now, having read this material? Have you ever thought about it as an undertaking that can be done as an act of worship? How might that change your approach? How does it change things to think about your change as primarily “for” God, rather than primarily “for” you?

Aaron Switzer, M.A. in Biblical Counseling